Before you read this please understand that I am not trying to offend anyone with depression.
Let me clear this up a little bit in a few simply words…
depression is not romantic, and it is not beautiful.
I am not telling you this story for sympathy or anything of the such. The story I am about to explain to my way of trying to explain to you that depression isn’t beautiful.
I am opening up about my past and my depression. A dark time for me. A time of self-pitty, unhappiness, anger, sadness, etc. A time where I felt trapped. Like I was stuck inside this small room that was dark all of the time with a severe case of claustrophobia. I bet some of you have been there before, and felt that. It’s awful. But I had accepted the fact that I was depressed and it was normal. I spent a lot of time on Tumblr because when I was one there I could look at other posts that romanticized depression and told me that it was okay to be the way I was. It was okay to try to commit suicide and it was okay to cut myself. And when I say it was “okay”, I don’t mean they literally said “oh hey dude, go ahead and do that”. What I mean is, they convinced me that I had control over my body, and I need to listen to what my mind was telling me and cutting yourself was a good way to relieve the pain I felt. I never even considered the idea of cutting until I was constantly looking at tumblr.
Tumblr is a place where people romanticize depression.
NOTHING about depression is beautiful. I am ashamed of how I acted now that I am in a better place. I am ashamed that I thought it was okay for me to do the things I did to myself. I was able to get myself out of dark place I was in, and that was by finding God. That’s what I recommend to anyone searching to get out of that dark place, but that’s besides the point.
YOU SHOULD NEVER THINK THAT IT IS OKAY TO HARM YOURSELF IN ANY WAY. You need help. I mean that in the nicest way possible too, but you NEED help. Depression is an awful thing and I will never understand why I felt the way I did or where it came from, but people that are depressed need love and kindness. Not someone who halfway cares about you sometimes and they want to help you and other times they don’t. They need someone who can consistently be there for them and not someone who will give up on them because they aren’t very good at listening to advice. Depression is tough to get through, it is hard. I am so so lucky I got through it, and I am lucky I am didn’t have any complications after suicide attempt many years ago. There are so many things that should of happened to me after taking 10 sleeping pills that didn’t happen to me, and I am forever grateful for that.
Again, I mean this in the nicest way possibly… you are not special or beautifully damaged for having depression. Your scars are not “battle wounds”. Your scars represent a time where you were in a dark place. You should never be proud of them. Never. If you made it out of that dark place like I did, and you used to cut and consider your scars battle wounds, or consider them beautiful. NOTHING IS BEAUTIFUL ABOUT THEM. Nothing is beautiful about harming yourself.
Like I said, I am lucky to have gotten out of that dark place. But, there are some people who have it much worse than I did, and who have chronic depression. Who can barely go a second without thinking about harming yourself. I pray for you. I pray that you get help. I pray that God heals you. I pray you search for Him to heal you. Sadly, I don’t believe that anything can cure depression besides the own mind of the depressed. Not love, pills, nothing. I do believe love always helps and kindness but it isn’t the cure for it. Finding yourself again is the cure, and that might be one of the hardest things to do. It is hard for someone else to love you, when you can’t love yourself.
So i beg you, please stop saying depression is beautiful.