I haven’t written in awhile.
About 2 months, actually.
I don’t exactly know why, because I frequently find myself at this exact same spot.
Trying to figure out the perfect words to share with you guys.
(I even have like 20 different drafts that I haven’t finished or just haven’t published yet).
My life has been a chaotic mess, recently. I am learning so much about responsibility that it’s almost overwhelming. In my high school years, I was responsible, yes, but I didn’t necessarily have the urge to want to do anything that could be considered irresponsible. As I’ve gone off to college and am living on my own and trying to figure out who I am, I guess you could say I’ve run into irresponsibility a few times.
But you know what?
I never thought I’d be that college student that would end up very little in their bank account, and being stressed because I also have rent to pay, etc. I never thought I’d really encounter irresponsibility like I am now, but it’s clinging onto my shoulder a lot recently. I don’t mean I necessarily enjoy not having money all the time and stuff, but it’s really nice to be able to learn. I don’t always make the right choices, and maybe I eat out a little more than I should or spend money on gas a little too much because I’m a night owl and love to cruise around listening to music, and I’m sorry dad that I use so much data every month I really am trying to stop.
But it’s so great that I get to learn all this by myself. I get to learn the consequences of my actions and maybe the consequences aren’t really the most fun, but at least I get to make my mistakes and learn from them. I spent so much of my life being afraid failing, and being afraid of consequences that I couldn’t figure out how to live, and I couldn’t figure out who I was.
This is maybe a different outlook from most normal people but I don’t like to consider myself normal, and I’m okay with that.
Who isn’t afraid of failing? No one likes to watch us fail.
Failing is hard. People that love you (parents, friends, ect.) never want to watch you fail. Which is why people are so hard on you all the time. But sometimes it’s important to remember that sure, if you live your life being scared of failing and being scared of the consequences, you aren’t going to live. (I am not referring to consequences of drugs and alcohol use either). But if you allow yourself to open up, and make mistakes, you will know what to do better next time and you can better yourself. You can see progress in yourself, even if its over the silliest things that other people might not take the time to recognize, and progress is a great feeling.
Since I’ve been in college, I’ve been spending too much money. Like I said, I go out to eat too often. I realize this when I want to buy something for myself, and slowly but surely, I’ve eat out less and I am proud of myself for taking control over that. Sure, my parents still see that I eat out, but to me, I am learning responsibility and priorities and I’d rather learn it now when it’s fresh then to move away someday and be by myself completely and get screwed.
JUST LIVE HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE.
We all are so caught up in how others see us, how others feel about us, and friends, I am so damn guilty of this. I am sooooo guilty of this I feel hypocritical just saying it, because it sucks when someone tries to say they are better than you, but IT SHOULDN’T BOTHER YOU. No one is better than you. You are not better than anyone else. You are you, and live how you wants to live. Not how your mom wants you to live, your dad, family, friends, teachers, followers, etc.
Live life on the edge (whatever that might be for you). Live risky. But live responsibly. Live joyfully. Celebrate life with whoever you feel you need to celebrate it with. If you feel like you want to share you life with a man or a woman and get married, then you do that. If you want to celebrate life with a friend, then do that. No one should tell you what is right or wrong for you, because only you know that. You parents know best, yes. 90% of the time when they tell you something is wrong, they are probably right. But there is that 10% that it’s okay to be dependent upon. Because maybe, just maybe, within that 10% you’ll find a piece of you that you wouldn’t of found if you didn’t take the risk. That’s when it’s okay to be okay with the consequences. Maybe someone who loves you told you it wasn’t a good idea, but you did anyways and they were right, what are you losing? Nothing. You’re just gaining experience and wisdom. Experience and wisdom will get you farther in life than most things will now a days.
I haven’t gotten this far in awhile when I write.
I’m glad I’ve been able to string together these broken words that have been floating around in my head the past 2 months, though.
There is nothing wrong with dreaming big
Dream big and do it until it hurts. Whatever you want to happen, make it happen. 90% of the time when we decide not to go through with something it’s because we are afraid to fail. For the longest time I was scared when making blogs and writing. I was afraid to fail. I can’t say i’ve gotten very far yet, but I know that as long as I enjoy doing it, then nothing else matters. I think I am getting so sick and tired of hearing people telling someone that can’t do this, or they can’t do that. When they have someone in their life constantly telling you they can’t do something, you’re damn right they won’t do it. Maybe it’s not a realistic dream, SO WHAT. LET THEM FIGURE THAT OUT ON THEIR OWN.
It’s a big cycle, people.
A big, never ending cycle.
To summarize all this up:
-if you fear life, it’ll fear you
-Live risky, live responsibly