i’m awake!

I don’t know if you know what a spiritual awakening is, but I wanna share about it. About my spiritual awakening. Finding true understanding in order to find real inner peace.

‘Spiritual awakenings happen as a natural product of your Soul evolving, expanding, and maturing.  Just as everything in life grows, so too does our connection with our Souls.’

I don’t even know if this is a ‘touchy subject’. If this is considered religious or political. Personally, I don’t care.

I didn’t know what a ‘spiritual awakening’ was till about a week ago. Then things started to make sense to me; this ‘journey’ started to become a little easier and I am less reactive (emotionally) to some of the crazy things that keep randomly popping up into my life. Right now, I feel like it is never ending and it can be slightly overwhelming to me, disturbing and sometimes painful but the more educated I become, the easier this is for me. This ultimately helps you to live a more meaningful life.

Growing up, I had a lot of things drilled into my head of what was ‘right’. This awakening is questioning things in my life doesn’t make sense anymore; all my former beliefs and desires are being challenged and I’ve stopped seeking approval for them.

Looking back, I think this started about 6 months ago. I started questioning a lot of what I thought I knew, and seeing things in a much different light. Which can be honestly, just depressing. It is A LOT to take in. Especially when you’ve been told so differently you’re entire life. It wasn’t till about 3-4 weeks ago when shit really started to hit the fan. Everything I thought I was understanding, was completely gone. I am a super optimistic person, or at least I try to be. So this process was so exhausting when finding myself falling into holes constantly and trying to pick myself back up, multiple times a day sometimes.

August 4th, I got out of a year relationship, at the exact same time I got out of a 2 year relationship/engagement on August 3rd in 2019. That was extremely hard for me to process. It honestly sounds just terrible as I was typing that, lol. I wasn’t devastated by this happening last month by any means, as I think I spent months prior preparing myself for it. But I was still left very confused. But the peak of this spiritual awakening didn’t happen then, it happened about 2 weeks later.

I created boundaries for myself once this peak happened. That was something not a lot of people have seen from me before (or something I have even seen from me, I am a people pleaser), and this made people MAD. This again, left me with a lot of confusion. I am doing exactly what these people have told me to do in the past, why are people so mad?

Boundaries are a weapon. This world is filled with people that want to use and abuse what you have to offer. They want to take advantage and manipulate you. I experienced first hand what it was like for someone to test you once they start to notice the boundaries you’ve created, and it was not pleasant at all. After fully understanding my worth as a person while at the same time trying to remain humble, I learned a person with boundaries, is a person that can be unstoppable. I may have been one of the easiest people to manipulate. I would trust anyone I would come into contact with. I never understood why, that was always my biggest blessing and curse. That, and always giving people the benefit of the doubt.

My intuition has heightened dramatically. During the time that this peak began, I remember suddenly feeling anxiety and depression. I believe it was Sunday, August 23rd. I wanted to hide in a hole for a week, I was scared. I didn’t want to do anything or see anyone. I remember telling my close friends this. My intuition was telling me by the end of the week a very small reconciliation was going to happen, although this interaction wasn’t necessarily going to be positive. Friday at around 1 o’clock, exactly that happened. Since then, I started to become very in touch with my intuition which has led to a lot of “I told you so”‘s LOL, but taught me to fully trust myself and what is right for myself but reminding myself to be open and in tune with myself when I am incorrect.

Right now, I don’t know really know right from left when it comes to a lot. My interests, my beliefs, etc. is all in question.

I am learning to trust and surrender to the flow of life which is allowing me to forgive and love the self of others, also allowing for true understanding. While I have a lot of work to do on the forgiveness part, I know forgiveness begins with understanding – I am working on this without giving someone the benefit of the doubt and without making excuses for a person. Which is HARD. I am beginning to see people for who they really are.

All while doing this, trying to be self aware of my actions and how I respond to people and situations. I am releasing things that no longer serve any purpose in my life.

Are you getting tired yet just reading this? It’s exhausting, I know.

This is what my mind and soul has felt like for weeks now, like the conversation could never end.

Here is what I DO know about myself at this point: (and here are some things everyone needs to realize and apply to themselves)

1. I have the ability to create boundaries, I am much stronger then I realized. This does not make me egotistic or prideful, this makes me STRONG. BUT, the moment you start to disregard and disrespect OTHER peoples BOUNDARIES, that is when you are becoming egotistic and/or prideful. I am an empath, so the moment that I start losing touch in other peoples emotions and feelings or the importance of the boundaries they’ve created, is when I know that I am being prideful and that’s a boundary for myself that I have created for me not to cross. I am in no position ever to question why another person has created the boundaries that they have.
2. I have the ability to ACTUALLY communicate my feelings to people without feeling scared, I am understanding that not everyone will understand you and that is totally fine. Surrender the need to communicate feelings to a person that doesn’t understand them, but don’t take that personally. That has nothing to do with you. People will choose to understand or will choose to try to understand your mind and soul, and sometimes they physically can’t understand and that is FINE, but their reaction to not understanding you will tell you whether that person serves any purpose in your life. Do they accept that they don’t understand but still treat you as an equal, or treat you as a burden?
3. Intuition is an extremely powerful thing. I don’t understand it, honestly. I don’t understand how it happens. I don’t understand how my brain can tell me something a week in advance or tell me something will happen prior to having any knowledge about the situation. It is wild. But I am learning to trust it. It’s something I have been in tune with for years, but just recently become VERY in tune with. I am learning not to mix my emotions for my intuition though, that is where you can end up wrong.
4. Manifestation is real. Again, I don’t know how or why. But it is real. I will figure it out shortly.

I am sure many of you reading this may have also gone through spiritual awakenings without even realizing it or maybe didn’t understand that is what it is. Embrace it! The reward is finding true inner peace.